Battlepanda: Billmon is the master


Always trying to figure things out with the minimum of bullshit and the maximum of belligerence.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Billmon is the master

When it comes to serving up funny/cynical dialogs exploding hypocrisy and toady-ism. Read the whole thing. Please. It's all pure gold.
(Scene: A somewhat seedy looking diner somewhere outside of Houston, Texas. A line of nattily dressed corporate vice presidents -- looking distinctly out of place in such a dive -- sit at the counter reading menus. Behind the counter, Jack Abramoff, in apron and paper cap, is taking orders. There's a pass through in the wall behind him, and in the kitchen we see a sweaty Tom DeLay, in a greasy apron and paper cap, working the grill.)

Abramoff: (to customer) OK, so that's one tort reform loaf with asbestos relief, one side of hazardous waste deregulation, and the fruit cup. Anything for dessert?

Corporate VP: I'll, uh, take the Superfund Sundae -- with a cherry on top. Last time you forgot the cherry.

Abramoff: (annoyed) Ya want a cherry on top ya gotta ask for it while the bill's still in conference. Ya didn't ask.

Corporate VP: Well I'm just saying.

(Abramoff rolls his eyes and turns to the pass through behind him. He clips the check to the little carousel and rings the bell.)

Abramoff: Order up. Hey Tom, how ya coming on that mine safety rider? The guy from Phelps Dodge has been waiting since the last Congress. And he's one of our regulars.

DeLay: I'm workin' on it, goddammit. I'm workin' on it. Can't you see I've only got one hand? (We see that DeLay's left hand is in fact missing.)

Abramoff: Whoa. What happened to the other one?

DeLay: (darkly) The Good Book says, if thy left hand offend thee, cut it off. (shouts) And the filthy leftist son of bitch offended me! It offended me!