I'm not a nutbar, really I'm not

It's just that this administration...It's making me act like one. I mean, most people have no idea what's going on, they're just sheeple on the treadmill of life, convinced that their government is keeping them safe. They don't want us to know, but the truth is out there, it's out there, and not just on the internets. The government, it's spying on us, man. I'm talking about the secret secret service nobody ever talks about listening to our phone conversations without a warrant. Nobody is safe...this shit is happening right now...hey...where're you going...

Conspiracy theory? Me? Well just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. This goes all the way to the top, and they're not even bothering to deny it anymore, for goodness' sakes. I'm telling you...keeping us safe from terrorists? OMG I can't believe you're falling for that. Well, riddle me this, why are they slipping statutes in the Patriot act so that they can go after 'narco-terrorists'? Today, it's Louie with the dime baggies, tomorrow it will be you and me, man.

It gets worse, I'm telling you. It gets worse. I think they've been slipping something in the water-coolers at all the major news organization or secretly fitted blackberries with memory erasure devices or something. Otherwise how do you explain the repeated bouts of collective amnesia suffered by the press? I used to think they were just cowardly syncophants for not calling the Bush administration on their bullshit, but then I realized that the level of incompetence just didn't make sense anymore...the truth is scarier...the only logical conclusion is that they just don't remember.

Oh hell! Is that a cellphone in your pocket? Shit. Now they know where we are. You didn't know that cellphones send tracking signals the police can tap into without probable cause? You gotta educate yourself, don't you ever listen to NPR?