The first rule about shortering...

...is that the shortering cannot be longer than the original prose that the shorterer is seeking to mock. In addition to the first rule, it is also customary for the shortering to be funny and to convey the ideas contained in the original long-winded prose, albeit in an exaggerated form. If you find yourself breaking any of these rules, but especially the third one, then what you are doing is not shortering at all but indulging in the time-honored playground ritual -- "this is you...this is you".