Battlepanda: Little Darla's Birthday


Always trying to figure things out with the minimum of bullshit and the maximum of belligerence.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Little Darla's Birthday

(Yet another excerpt from my 5th-grade reading workbook, The Scratch Papers, now out-of-print. Previous excerpts: one, two, three.)

One of the worst days of the year for Wilbur was Litte Darla's birthday. Every year Lance Lugfarm gave her a rotten present that she oohed and aahed over, and every year she forgot even to open Wilbur's present.

But this year on her eleventh birthday Wilbur had bought Little Darla a present that was so big she couldn't forget to open it. It was a big box of bubble bath. He had read somewhere that girls like bubble bath. He had also written a poem to express his deep devotion. It went like this:

Roses are red; violets are blue;
I love you more than a kangaroo.

But, alas, while carrying her many presents through the lunch line, Little Darla accidently dropped Wilbur's into the tomato soup. All the kids had great fun trying to pop the tomato bubbles. But Wilbur, who told them he wasn't hungry, just went out and sat on top of the jungle gym.