The Liberal Agenda Revealed

Posted by Stephen of The Thinkery in comments at Ezra Klein's blog, here is the liberal agenda:

8:00 - Wake up. Hug tree.

8:10 - Quick breakfast of Wheaties w/ banana and unborn fetuses, stem cells spread on toast.

8:20 - Get dressed in hemp suit.

8:30 - Miscellaneous worship of false idols.

8:45 - Drive to methadone clicnic in hybrid car; 30% electric, 70% Bible furnace.

8:50 - Receive methadone. Sell for pot.

9:00 - Catch up on a little reading: Torah, Koran, Book of Mormon, other books not The Bible.

10:00 - Stop on way to welfare office to drown puppies.

10:20 - Pickup welfare check.

10:30 - Cash check.

10:35 - Buy more pot.

11:30 - Miscellaneous Sodomy.

12:00 - Light lunch of sushi and stem cell pie, plus cappuccino, at upscale coffee shop.

12:30 - Stop at nearest cemetery to bleach flags on veterans' graves.

1:30 - Miscellaneous coveting.

3:00 - Steal babies, throw them from bridge.

3:30 - Bomb a church.

5:00 - Formal dinner/fundraiser of virgin Christian sacrifice. Guest speakers Michael Moore, Al Franken, Satan, and Bizarro Ann Coulter.

6:30 - Smoke cigars lit by a burning pictures of Jesus

6:45 - Infiltrate the school system to attract impressionable young student to the homosexual lifestyle.

7:00 - Miscellaneous taking the Lord's name in vain.

7:10 - Smoke pot.

7:15 - Giggle for about twenty minutes.

7:35 - Order pizza with extra cheese and stem cells.

8:00 - Pay pizza man in food stamps.

8:30 - Watch Real Time with Bill Maher.

9:30 - Bedtime snack of nachos with three kind of cheese and peppers. No stem cells, watching weight.

10:00 - Miscellaneous dishonor of mother and father.

10:30 - Early bedtime, need rest for tomorrow's All-Day Sodomy Fest.

That's pretty much my typical day. Except he forgot about the gin martinis. I'm so looking forward to the All-Day Sodomy Fest tomorrow.