Battlepanda: The Liberal Agenda Revealed


Always trying to figure things out with the minimum of bullshit and the maximum of belligerence.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

The Liberal Agenda Revealed

Posted by Stephen of The Thinkery in comments at Ezra Klein's blog, here is the liberal agenda:
8:00 - Wake up. Hug tree.

8:10 - Quick breakfast of Wheaties w/ banana and unborn fetuses, stem cells spread on toast.

8:20 - Get dressed in hemp suit.

8:30 - Miscellaneous worship of false idols.

8:45 - Drive to methadone clicnic in hybrid car; 30% electric, 70% Bible furnace.

8:50 - Receive methadone. Sell for pot.

9:00 - Catch up on a little reading: Torah, Koran, Book of Mormon, other books not The Bible.

10:00 - Stop on way to welfare office to drown puppies.

10:20 - Pickup welfare check.

10:30 - Cash check.

10:35 - Buy more pot.

11:30 - Miscellaneous Sodomy.

12:00 - Light lunch of sushi and stem cell pie, plus cappuccino, at upscale coffee shop.

12:30 - Stop at nearest cemetery to bleach flags on veterans' graves.

1:30 - Miscellaneous coveting.

3:00 - Steal babies, throw them from bridge.

3:30 - Bomb a church.

5:00 - Formal dinner/fundraiser of virgin Christian sacrifice. Guest speakers Michael Moore, Al Franken, Satan, and Bizarro Ann Coulter.

6:30 - Smoke cigars lit by a burning pictures of Jesus

6:45 - Infiltrate the school system to attract impressionable young student to the homosexual lifestyle.

7:00 - Miscellaneous taking the Lord's name in vain.

7:10 - Smoke pot.

7:15 - Giggle for about twenty minutes.

7:35 - Order pizza with extra cheese and stem cells.

8:00 - Pay pizza man in food stamps.

8:30 - Watch Real Time with Bill Maher.

9:30 - Bedtime snack of nachos with three kind of cheese and peppers. No stem cells, watching weight.

10:00 - Miscellaneous dishonor of mother and father.

10:30 - Early bedtime, need rest for tomorrow's All-Day Sodomy Fest.

That's pretty much my typical day. Except he forgot about the gin martinis. I'm so looking forward to the All-Day Sodomy Fest tomorrow.