Battlepanda: I am the decider!


Always trying to figure things out with the minimum of bullshit and the maximum of belligerence.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I am the decider!

(By Brad R. at Sadly, No!)
Down by the Pentagon, where the crickle grass grows,
Where for years the insurgents have been in their "last throes"
Old Donald Rumsfeld relaxed and kicked back
And thought of the fine job he'd done in Iraq
But despite Rummy's feelings of omnipotent might
Lots of people were dying, with no end in sight
So several old generals rose up in a rage
And their mad diatribes made it to the front page

All of them wanted poor Rummy to quit
Since 'twas under his watch that Iraq went to shit
But just as old Rummy was about to resign
Bush came along and said "You're doing just fine!"

He was tallish and oldish and grayish and chimpy
And his face looked cartoonish, like a Ren or a Stimpy
He rolled up his sleeves, slammed the floor with a "bang!"
And then bellowed out in his fake Texas twang:

"I'm the decider! I decide what is best!
And all my decisions, they come Jesus-blessed!
I don't read the views of the MSM paparazzi
I need Rummy's help stopping Muslamonazis!

"To all you old generals whose anger won't yield,
Why won't you think of the troops on the field
They want Rummy to stay, they say that they need him
What's wrong with you bastards, do y'all just hate freedom?"

And with that all the critics looked shamed and afraid
For providing al-Qaeda with comfort and aid
They wept and covered their faces with bags
And said, "We're sorry for being such traitorous fags!"