Battlepanda: Moneymaking schemes of the damned


Always trying to figure things out with the minimum of bullshit and the maximum of belligerence.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Moneymaking schemes of the damned

I often find myself contemplating unexploited niches in the market, along with my boyfriend's mom Shirley, who is also a dreamer. Of course, I am much too lazy/unskilled/lacking in chutzpah to actually go out there and be an entrepreneur, but hey, it's fun to pretend. Here a a few of our wacky schemes.

1) Credit goes to my boyfriend's mom for coming up with this idea. We purchased the domain name "" in early 2004 in anticipation that it will be valuable after the Red Sox win the World Series that year. Most improbably, they did, breaking a 86 year-old drought in the process. Alas, neither of us had any idea how to sell a domain name, and so even though we still own the website, we've probably missed our opportunity to unload it. "A+" for faith, "F" for business acumen.

2) A website/service that allows you to rate your ex, and also to see how your significant other has been rated by his/her exes. Kind of like CNet, but for people.

3) A mess of "inventions" with silly names and meant to be sold on the home shopping network:
-- The "S.T.I.A.A.P", short for stud-finder-that-is-also-a-pencil. Press a button and the location of your stud is marked by a hidden graphite wheel built right in your stud finder!
-- The "chork", short for chopstick-forks. Imagine a pair of chopsticks connected like tongs. Use them as learner's chopsticks, or lock the tong mechanism to use them as a two-pronged fork!
-- "The Second Rail" (another of Shirley's). Have kids that need a little help climbing stairs? The Second Rail hangs right off your first set of handrails and provides a handhold at whatever height your kid happen to be at!

As you can imagine, I've gotten my fair share of scepticism. But even I am flabbergasted by the sheer audaciousness of the latest "concept" in greeting cards. " The "Secret Lover" line of cards cater to the hitherto untapped market of illicit lovers. A whole 'nother set of of anniversaries, birthdays, and even breakups will now have their own occasion cards. (Via Marginal Revolution)

Ah, American ingenuity. One's mind boggles. How many other occasions hallmark did not deem worthy are just crying out for their own cards?