Battlepanda: Beware bloggers bearing knives


Always trying to figure things out with the minimum of bullshit and the maximum of belligerence.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Beware bloggers bearing knives

They are to be considered armed and dangerous...primarily to themselves.

I have my own butterfingers=>severed finger story. (Stop reading now if you're squeamish). It all started when I was watching the old TeeVee and an infomercial for "miracle blades" (click to see the's hilarious) came on. It started with the obligatory black-and-white exposition shots of people with things to cut mired in despair over their dull, dull knives. "That's me!" I exlaimed. So, I continued to watch the infomercial, in which Chef Tony cut through everything from frozen cans of limeade to slippery, ripe tomatoes into whisperthin slices. For the first time in my life, I answered the clarion call of "...Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Pick up the phone in the next 15 minutes..."

And you know what, they were the sharpest, handiest knives I ever owned. But they were also thin and heftless, and when I tried to cut through chicken bone with a slicer, it bounced rather then cut and whiplashed through the air. I swear I heard a wobbley "woosh". When I looked down, the top of my left thumb was missing.

I joked that it's too bad we couldn't have worked this episode into the next generation of the miracle blade infomercials: "This miracle blade is so sharp I cut off the top of my thumb and didn't even know it! Thanks, Chef Tony!" *angelica give thumbs up with blood spurting*

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P.S. My thumb was flat on top for a while. But then the tip grew back.

P.P.S. We never found the top part.